I thought I'd try my hand at editing. I mean, how hard could it be especially seeing as no formal qualifications seem to be required? This should be a walk in the park.
But anyway, not wanting to run the risk of ruining any important literary masterpieces, I figured a nursery rhyme like "Baa Baa Black Sheep" was a good place to start. All I had to do next was choose the obligatory pen-name...
I settled on "Dried Waiter" (real name withheld to avoid likely incrimination... "any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental and is in no way intended".) So here goes:
Baa baa black sheep Bleat bleat dark ovine
"Bleat bleat dark ovine,
Hast thou a fibre quantity?
Aye gent, aye gent,
Triple sacks replete.
A single unit for the head honcho,
Another for his lady true,
The last for the juvenile
Who resides on the avenue."
Bonzer! Ripper! No harm done at all! That was much easier than I thought it would be. What a terrific improvement I've made! Now I'm truly inspired..
Next, I will re-write the lyrics to the entire Beatles catalogue of songs. After that, who knows...? Maybe, I dunno, Newton's Law of Gravity, Einstein's Theory of Relativity... and seeing no-one is preventing me, I think The Adventures Of Superman could do with a bit of colour. Clark Kent would become Bill Gates. I could replace Lois Lane with Germaine Greer and Jimmy Olsen with Tiger Woods. Perry White has gotta be Donald Trump. This'll be a certain hit.
Indeed my 'pièce de résistance' will surely be my revised edition of The Holy Bible, Dried Waiter version. I can't wait. It will be completely rewritten to keep up with modern times. No more celibacy and strict discipline - out with tradition, in with political correctness. Married priests, gay priests, gay marriage, gay married priests, the list goes on - - - oh, I'm frothing at the mouth just thinking of the possibilities! No-one can stop me now, I'm on a roll...
[authorised and written by Bhakta Sam for the Australian Lullaby Party]
But anyway, not wanting to run the risk of ruining any important literary masterpieces, I figured a nursery rhyme like "Baa Baa Black Sheep" was a good place to start. All I had to do next was choose the obligatory pen-name...
I settled on "Dried Waiter" (real name withheld to avoid likely incrimination... "any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental and is in no way intended".) So here goes:
"Bleat bleat dark ovine,
Hast thou a fibre quantity?
Aye gent, aye gent,
Triple sacks replete.
A single unit for the head honcho,
Another for his lady true,
The last for the juvenile
Who resides on the avenue."
Bonzer! Ripper! No harm done at all! That was much easier than I thought it would be. What a terrific improvement I've made! Now I'm truly inspired..
Next, I will re-write the lyrics to the entire Beatles catalogue of songs. After that, who knows...? Maybe, I dunno, Newton's Law of Gravity, Einstein's Theory of Relativity... and seeing no-one is preventing me, I think The Adventures Of Superman could do with a bit of colour. Clark Kent would become Bill Gates. I could replace Lois Lane with Germaine Greer and Jimmy Olsen with Tiger Woods. Perry White has gotta be Donald Trump. This'll be a certain hit.
Indeed my 'pièce de résistance' will surely be my revised edition of The Holy Bible, Dried Waiter version. I can't wait. It will be completely rewritten to keep up with modern times. No more celibacy and strict discipline - out with tradition, in with political correctness. Married priests, gay priests, gay marriage, gay married priests, the list goes on - - - oh, I'm frothing at the mouth just thinking of the possibilities! No-one can stop me now, I'm on a roll...
[authorised and written by Bhakta Sam for the Australian Lullaby Party]
